


A New Beginning

by AlixxBlack



Series: Holidays with Merthur [9]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Before and After, Fluff and Angst, Implied Arthur x Gwen, Kissing, M/M, New Years, new years fluff, obvious merthur tho, that hybrid u herd, this fic is a wild ride about a lot of things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 16:25:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13639974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlixxBlack/pseuds/AlixxBlack
Summary: Arthur wants to practice proposing to Gwen - that makes sense.Arthur also wants Merlin to pretend to be Gwen so that he can practice proposing to a real person - which sounds okay on paper but it doesn't go exactly how either man was expecting.So, as with all new beginnings, there's a before and after - and a moment where everything changes.





	A New Beginning

**GWEN, AFTER**

 

            Gwen crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head. “Did you ever stop to consider that you could be in love with more than one person, Arthur?” She looked down her nose at him setting in the corner of the library wearing his dirty clothes from the day before, and all she can think is that it’s a surprise it’s taken him so long to realize that his feelings for Merlin aren’t as simple as they may seem.

            A scoff escaped his lips but it was weak and unconvincing. Gwen asserts the idea again, more clearly. “There has only ever been one person that came between us. I guess you didn’t see it because it was never this romantic display of affection but it always happened. If Merlin was in need, it mattered not how your pursuit would affect me, because all that mattered was Merlin.” Her voice is not snarky or scathing; nor does her body language suggest that she is jealous or heartbroken. If anything, she looks tired. Tired of the ignorance, tired of the shame, and tired of the limbo. Arthur was planning to propose to Gwen for weeks, and all of these plans were made for some elaborate show. Merlin wasn’t complaining, just telling her out of excitement.

            Merlin was so happy for Arthur to get married that he didn’t even feel that his face betrayed him. Drooping eyes and sagging posture; others might have thought he was tired from all the preparations being made, but Gwen knew so much better than everyone else. Arthur and Merlin, a couple, it might be a joke to the knights, but they don’t know how very real it is. Even they have remained clueless all these years.

            “I think, if it matters at all to you, that you should march straight down to Merlin’s chambers and tell him that it wasn’t a mistake. Then you can talk about it like the adult men I know you to be, and we’ll start figuring out what to do so that we’re all happy.” Arthur did not budge, of course, but Gwen had said what she needed and would not linger any further. She spun on her heels and marched away without so much as a thought to glance back at the distressed king. What matter of it was hers now anyway? Arthur had kissed Merlin, so between Arthur and Merlin the matter would remain until they’d decided how to deal with their feelings. Until she was assured they had made amends with the kiss, however, she had no intention to accepting any marriage proposals.

 

* * *

 

 

**MERLIN, BEFORE**

            It had snowed so much that there was absolutely nothing to do or be done in the castle, save for eating and reading, really. There was a training room but the knights were taking turns sporadically inside that it seemed pointless to even encourage Arthur to go. Besides, he’d been so caught up in trying to find the perfect way to propose to Gwen that he rarely left his chambers. Merlin expected the day to be easy.

            _Why_ he allowed himself to think that is a mystery, since Arthur specialized in trying to push Merlin’s buttons on literally any occasion. Once he’d helped the king to dress and gathered his laundry, Arthur grabbed Merlin by the shoulder. “I need you to pretend to be Gwen today.”

            “That is a very odd request,” Merlin laughed, his eyes squinting with amusement. Sure, he’d played the role of a woman for this or that out of necessity. The concept itself didn’t bother him. It would be the reason that could make it strange.

            “I want you to pretend to be Gwen and I’m going to take you through the whole day I have planned so that I’m ready when I propose to her. It won’t be hard, really, I’ll just pretend to pamper you all day. Almost as easy as spending your work day at the tavern!” His hand smacks so hard against Merlin’s back that his magic nearly flares to send Arthur flying. Fortunately he redirects his frustration and only knocks a pillow off the bed. Daft as ever, the king doesn’t even notice the ‘puff’ of the pillow hitting the ground; and better yet, he won’t even question it when he does find it. “Sure,” the manservant agreed. Was there ever even a chance that he could deny the request?

 

* * *

 

 

**ARTHUR, AFTER**

 

            Knowing every corridor, room, and route throughout the castle is one benefit to being king, though not for the usual reasons on that day. Arthur simply had wanted to avoid running into anyone who might ask where he’d been, what he’d been doing, and why he’d been doing it. The only person to know about the kiss was Gwen and that was completely by accident. Merlin had made some changes to the speech he was going to give to Gwen as he asked for her hand in marriage. It was always going to sound better than what he’d written originally. But this had felt different, listening to Merlin say the words he’d come up with for the woman he’d soon be marrying. Arthur was captivated by his presentation and his voice and, without any real warning, he’d sort of done it.

            Pathetic, it was, not even remembering what actions he took between Merlin starting the speech and his kissing him unannounced. When had the urge even come to fruition? Apparently, it was more a mystery to himself than to the people around him. Merlin hadn’t looked very shocked, had he? Arthur couldn’t even really remember that either. As soon as he’d pulled his lips away, off he ran. The only place that nobody would look for Arthur would be in the blasted library. When he was young, he avoided the library so adamantly that his tutors often had to follow him to the training fields and to dinner just to give him his lessons.

            It crosses his mind that if he’d read more silly stories as Morgana had when she was young that maybe he’d been more privy to how feelings work. Enemy as she was to him now, Arthur couldn’t help but wonder what advice she might’ve given him were she still his good sister. Well, annoying sister, but good. She’d probably say the same thing as Gwen. _Talk to him and see what happens_ , she’d probably giggle with satisfaction because she would think it is adorable in some way. It isn’t unheard of, men engaging other men, but to love them and have a proper relationship? Openly? Arthur hadn’t actually known something of that sort to have ever been.

            Fear formed a lump in his throat without his permission. Feeling vulnerable is easily one of Arthur’s least favorite experiences, only really second to the feeling of loss and helplessness. And, honestly, he felt all of those things at once as soon as he’d kissed Merlin. Everything was out of his control the second he jerked forward and put his hands on his manservant’s face.

 

* * *

 

**GWEN, BEFORE**

            Arthur hadn’t been anywhere in the castle that he normally was, which was a strange occurrence when everyone was pretty well trapped inside by the biting cold and thick snow. Alas, she didn’t let it bother her much. How much trouble could a king and a manservant get into with such a limited range of mobility? Instead of fretting, she carried on throughout her day.

            It had been kind of Arthur to keep her around the castle as staff after Morgana had left, as it was his argument to Uther when he was still alive to make the final decision pertaining to her employment. The relationship she shared with the late king was not good but he felt a certain level of debt to her. Gwen had lost her father to the king’s magic mania and it resulted in her permanent employment to the Pendragon family. Mostly, Gwen helped wherever there was a shortage of staff and did general cleaning. Her work was more intensive, it seemed, as she also did the repairs for the weapons and armor used in combat training. It was far more fulfilling than her employment to Morgana. She never had felt that she properly earned her pay, as she’d been a friend to the king’s ward, or daughter properly as she knew, and every day felt more as if they were hanging around together than anything else.

            On this particular day, work around the castle was sparse. Trades were on an as needed basis, as it required travelling out into the winter air. Runs for water were limited since some of the wells were frozen. Gwen figured it was her best bet to find the rooms that often went unused and dusted them, wiped the surfaces down, and swept the floors of any dirt specks that might’ve come round. After all, a good many knights and servants make pit stops for a bit of passionate embrace before carrying on with their days. Gwen knows too well the ways of the love, and a far more demanding temptation is lust itself. She is not blind to the goings on within the castle walls.

            There is one room in particular, however, that everyone avoids. It is Morgana’s old chambers. Not a soul dares to enter it, and in fact most people avoid that hallway at all costs. Her room is not trapped, of course, and neither is it charmed or cursed. Morgana’s quarters are just that – the room where she slept and spent her time. Hard as it is to believe, when she was just an ordinary woman in Camelot, she was nothing more than that. Gwen didn’t even actively decide to go there to clean it up so much as just showed up there.

            And, much to her surprise, it was not as empty as she expected.

 

* * *

 

**MERLIN, AFTER**

 

            Gaius did not ask questions when Merlin burst into his chambers in tears. Instead, he offered to make his favorite meal should the supplies be available. Merlin shouted in a harsh tone that he would love nothing more, which had to have been confusing for the physician. Using magic, he locked his door, and buried his head beneath his pillow.

            The young warlock wanted to scream and cry and scream and repeat this process endlessly until he forgot what had onset the tantrum in the first place. At the same time, however, he also wanted to replay the scene in his head and figure out what had happened. Was Arthur mad? Was he charmed? Could he be under the influence of magic? Rightfully, he should be racing around the castle looking for a threat! Instead, his angst and confusion drove him to his cot in shambles.

            The only question he wanted to answer was: why?

            Why had the king kissed him?

            Unfortunately, the underlying question to this was far more personal and frightening, though not quite in usual way. Merlin hadn’t thought about romance often, and when he had it was many years ago. _Freya_ , he remembered fondly. She had died and subconsciously he’d blocked himself off from all other possible lovers. And, honestly, how many had actually pursued him? None, as far as he could recall, or perhaps one or two that had never bothered to confront him; but there’d never even been any rumors of Merlin being the ‘apple of her eye’ in any respect.

            Although, there had been plenty of jokes about Arthur and Merlin…

            Was there truth to any of it?

            Merlin punched, regretfully, the wall above his headboard. If the kiss wasn’t proof enough that there was some truth to it, then it was magic. And if that was the case, then Merlin had two options: confront the king or find the sorcerer.

 

* * *

 

**ARTHUR & MERLIN, THE KISS**

            _Guinevere, you are the sun shining when the clouds part on a summer’s day._

            “What sort of hell is this? Do you really expect me to say that?” he gagged in response to the changed first line of his speech. He’d asked for Merlin’s recommendations, and since they were finishing their route in Morgana’s old chambers – symbolically because that is how he met Gwen and also to rid the room of it’s dark reputation – they may as well use the supplies left behind. She always had to do a fair bit or writing, usually rejections the way she spoke, and so it was a convenient time to fix the speech anyway.

            Merlin smirked. “I have a way with words, Arthur. Some of your best speeches were more my words than yours.” Without arguing, it was agreed that this is embarrassingly accurate and the manservant continued reading the updated version of Arthur’s deepest emotions towards the love of his life.

            _I truly believe that behind some of the strongest kings there are steadfast queens, supporting and guiding their husbands in ways that are never seen. I have been inspired by the women I have met over the last few years, whether they were friend or foe, and I have thought of the man I would be were it not for them._

            “Am I proposing to Gwen?” Arthur groaned in protest. He could not see the relevance in referencing the women he’d been faced with during his career as king. Merlin pointed fiercely at him and explained that if he would just listen and let him finish reading the whole speech to him that maybe, _just maybe_ , it would all make sense; it shut the king up but only after one more snide comment. “Fine, I’ll pretend to be Gwen and you read it to me. Show me how it’s done.”

            “Sounds good to me. Learn from the king of love,” the joke had come from his mouth so flawlessly that neither man had thought to laugh. Merlin readied himself by kneeling in front of Arthur, who was sitting on the chair batting his eyes. He looked properly enthralled in the manservant, and so he started the ‘scene’ back up.

_But the most influential woman in my life has been you. As I have grown from a knight, to a prince, to a king, you have given me clarity when everything seemed hopeless. You have been my conscience when I have gone astray. And you have been my center when everything I knew began falling apart._

_Though Camelot may be my home, it is not the same without you._

            Arthur had slowly moved forward, acting less and reacting more. He’d been properly swept away in what Merlin was reading from the page. It was not a particularly long speech, the one Arthur had scrawled in a rush to get his thoughts on the paper. Merlin hadn’t looked away from the page where he’d rewritten all the corrections he made to Arthur’s original, not until the final line.

            _I am defined by your love, and so I hope that you would accept mine._

            A thought danced through Merlin’s eyes, he’d seen just before his hands flew up to his cheeks, but Arthur hadn’t been able to stop himself enough to think what it might’ve been. Everything about the motion was impulsive and uncontrollable. Before he could even take a breath his mouth was on Merlin’s, his head tilted just to the side so that their noses weren’t smashed together.

            They remained this way without kissing back or pulling away. It might’ve been brief or it might’ve been a very long time. Merlin did eventually kiss back. It was a soft pucker but it was enough to know that he’d reciprocated enough to be at ease. Arthur and Merlin then shared a proper kiss where each other them parted their mouths just slightly enough to taste the other.

            It stopped there, however, because the door opened and a familiar voice blurted, “Oh my,” and then Arthur bolted away. Merlin lingered for a moment, apologized, and then also swept past Gwen to hide.

 

* * *

 

**GWEN, THE KISS**

 

            Arthur and Merlin stood there kissing in front of her and instead of thinking what any other girl would have thought should her partner be seen kissing someone else, Gwen asked herself why it looked so awkward. The shock hadn’t been in the men kissing but rather in their comfort level while kissing. She was astounded that it didn’t bother her the way it should have, and even as she looked at them trying to be upset, the anger never came. If anything, she was relieved that it was no longer a secret. She’d always suspected a bit that there was something more between them.

            People, as she knew, could love more than one person at a time.

            “Oh my,” had slipped out of her mouth unexpectedly. She nearly dropped the boom and pan in her hands when the king pushed past her to run away. Not even wide-eyed, she stared off at Merlin to see how he would react. Gwen hadn’t sought an apology, though Merlin uttered one anyhow, “I am ashamed, Guinevere, I am so sorry.” He too sped away from the room as if it were the scene of some heinous crime. Saddened that her friends were embarrassed, the handmaiden simply went about her duties as she’d planned. Only once did she stop to read the pages the men had left behind.

            Arthur’s original proposal wasn’t bad or even dishonest. What he had written was honest and reflected of the love that he did hold for Gwen. There was a second sheet between the two versions that bore both Merlin and Arthur’s s handwriting on it. In this paper she could see both men and their feelings emerging. Merlin knew love far better than someone so free of romance should, but then she reminded herself that she was wrong. The king’s manservant had known love for many, many years. And, alas, the version which only had Merlin’s scrawl upon the page displayed a deep romance that prevails over all else because it is more than love, it is more than friendship: it is destiny.

            Gwen sighed and let her body fall in a heap into the chair where she presumed that Arthur had been sat based on how the men were standing when she’d arrived. The love she shared with the king was no less real, and surely it would be a lasting romance in its own way, but it would never beat out the fated love shared between the king and his manservant. Some stories are told together until the end of time and she would be a fool to deny that she knew Merlin and Arthur would be on such story.

            She knew what her position was before she’d declared it to herself. Arthur would need encouragement to admit that the kiss wasn’t a mistake and that his feelings are real. Accepting of the situation, Gwen stood up and breathed deep. The winter would soon be gone and with it a new year would begin. Melted would the snow be so that life could start again.

            “A new beginning,” Gwen settled.

 

* * *

 

 

**ARTHUR & MERLIN, AFTER STILL**

Each bang brought with it a new curse under his breath. Gaius had let Arthur in under the impression there wasn’t anything to be worried of but the ruckus he had begun to make drove the physician out of his own chambers. When Arthur announced that Gaius had gone and that it was time for Merlin to stop being so dramatic, that is precisely when Merlin unlocked the door from his bed.

            He just figured if they were on kissing terms then he might as well know about the magic too. Merlin decided sometime in the night that the king should know what sort of man he’d kissed. It was surprising that his unlocking the door without moving from the bed went unnoticed. Arthur had instead rushed straight to the bedside and yanked the blankets from Merlin’s back. “We’re talking about this,” he declared with a hint of his usually bossy tone fraying the edges of his tone.

            Merlin worked his magic again but shutting and locking the door. Arthur did notice this time, and he remarked quickly, “We can address that next, but we are talking about the other thing first.”

            “Not bothered by my magic then, my lord?” Merlin muttered into his mattress. “Oh, I’m bothered that you kept it a bloody secret, you sod, but I need you to know first that kissing you was not a mistake.” He barely breathes before he repeats the most important point from his sentence. “It was not a mistake.”

            Merlin sighs, “Oh, you don’t have to convince me. From where I stood the whole thing was very intentional.”

            Hands balled up the cloth against his sides, one hand grabbing his trousers and the other his tunic, and it yanks him upright. The king then sat on the bed where Merlin had just been lying down to prevent him from burrowing into the sheets again. There they sat looking at one another with the confession that Arthur did not think the kiss was a mistake and Merlin saying he didn’t need convinced. “Gwen thinks I’m in love with you, if you can believe it.”

            “I suppose that seems impossible to you,” this snide comment was more or less an observation. Arthur wouldn’t have said anything about it if he weren’t on the fence about it how true it was. He may not regret kissing his manservant but he clearly isn’t at peace with the events.

            “Maybe, a little bit. I knew I cared for you more than I should care about any servant. More than once I compared my value in you to Gwen,” emotions came through his voice, though he hadn’t seemed as scared as Merlin would’ve expected. Instead, he sounded almost delighted. “Somehow I must have known about it but never fleshed out the idea of it. Probably the same with the magic…”

            With patience, Arthur and Merlin slowly picked away the layers of ignorance that surrounded their feelings. Merlin revealed his brief relationship with Freya, Arthur explained how he’d known all about the jokes the knight made and why, and before long they were able to see a whole picture between them. Though it hadn’t been obvious before, it was glaringly apparent in those hours they spent discussing this unplanned kiss.

            “As for the magic,” Arthur tried to segue, but he was met with Merlin’s lips instead.


End file.
